new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
