You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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