Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
