Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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