Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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