I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
