just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
