I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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