So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
