I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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