dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think your dad took our porno
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize