Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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