Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
