so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize