So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
