I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
