We're like a lot better than the average bears
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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