As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
