Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
