we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
