also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize