She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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