idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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