i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
