Your face is a jimmy john
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
