i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
