I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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