My sheets look like a crime scene.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The struggles of a small town man whore
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
