my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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