Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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