Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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