i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
