Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
