I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
