i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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