Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
