There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
