If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
