Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
