I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
