im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
