She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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