Your dad touched me again.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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