you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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