And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
