I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
