And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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