P.S. I can't hear my feet
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
