I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
