We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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