I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
