yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
