She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize