he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
