Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
