genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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