I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
