I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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