hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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