So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
