everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
