I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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