The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
