omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
