so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
