College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
